Of Marriage & Happiness

"Marriage is more than a contract. 

It's a messy, beautiful, living, breathing thing, 

full of dreams and history and patters and memories."

Shauna Niequist, Savor

When I look back on the first five, nay six years of our marriage, I cringe at all the petty little fights we battled using verbal judo. This is the reality of many newlyweds, both need to find equilibrium with coexistence. When a balance is reached and a new member of a family arrives (babies), then a new medium must be reestablished.

Dre and I use to have fights that would last for days/weeks. It got so bad that our then two year old would ask us to stop fighting with tears running down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking. He didn't know what to do or who to go to. What selfish parents we were, but it happened. At that moment, visions of our son speaking to a psychiatrist manifested itself in my mind's eye as he grew up all sorts of messed up because of his dysfunctional family. With that thought, he was immediately in my embrace as I apologized to him and to my husband.

Don't get me wrong, we don't have the perfect marriage or are the perfect parents. We still have our differences; at times we manage to have more than inside voice debates in front of our now almost four year old, but not to the level he pleads for peace. 

Of the past year, our marriage seldom experienced fights. Our differences have diminished into constructive discussions that normally dissipate within 10 minutes. Fighting expends valuable energy. We realized how futile it was to uphold our egos and draw our tongues like swords. Pointless.

In the end, happiness is worth setting our self-importance aside. Happiness moves us towards greatness. Happiness gives us fulfillment in ourselves and of others. Happiness emanates love that accompanies a ripple effect. In all sincerity, happiness is less effort. 

This realization should have come to us sooner, but what's important is that it has and we're grateful for each other.